Despite his untimely demise, Emo's music lives on, imitated by thousands of copycat bands in square hipster glasses, and enjoyed by millions of fans, old and new, who cut themselves while listening to it to this day. News of Emo's death led half of his fanbase to commit suicide, to the rejoicing of the rest of society. I've hidden many things up my nose over the years, and not once have they been found.' (The quote was only released after Emo's death.) Emo Phillips passed away April 11th, 1997, of four simultaneous heart attacks, while holding a Crying Circle with four of his overweight female fans. As he told a reporter from Rolling Stone off the record, 'My nose is the last place they'd look. The hiding place he decided on was his nose.

In order to avoid arrest, Emo decided to hide all of the evidence. This plan fell through, however, when he learned cocaine was illegal. He originally planned to join these piles of cocaine into a single, massive pile of cocaine - indeed, the World's Largest Pile of Cocaine - which could become a very profitable tourist attraction. But now, with his hormones raging and his pockets bulging, Emo unwisely invested all of his money into piles of cocaine. Emo's diet consisted primarily of bugs that flew into his mouth.

Before his breakthrough Emo Phillips earned an average of five LituaniBucks (the official currency of Lithuania) per year, which - though a princely sum in his home country - is the equivalent of a $1.27 gift certificate to McDonalds. Like so many entertainers before him, however, his fortune would be his downfall. As one of the brightest stars in music, Emo brought in millions of dollars per month, selling out every stadium he visited. These songs were delivered with mascara-faced seriousness, contrasting with the light-hearted delivery of his earlier work.Д®mo Phillips capitalised on his newfound fame, holding a nonstop world-tour circuit with his band - Sad Emo - beginning August 13th, 1992. Emo Phillips would release twelve CDs over the next five years, collecting the many songs he penned over a decade of fag whining, as well as a wealth of new material. But now there was a welcoming audience overseas that took fag whining seriously, eager to have their incessant bitching justified by their entertainment. Ye Gods! Up until this time, Emo had considered himself a comedian, as fag whining is the art of complaining about things no sane human being ever would over guitar riffs that no sane human being would ever listen to. Suddenly and unexpectedly, an executive from Sony - backed by a sizable investment from Satan - approached Emo Phillips with a record deal, looking to bring Emo's whiny vocals and boring acoustic guitars to the United States. He held tours to military bases around Lithuania and neighboring Transylvania, where he was ridiculed and beaten by appreciative soldiers of many nationalities. Over his decade-long career of fag whining, the now twenty-year-old Emo Phillips had become a master of his craft. But as the landscape of Western music shifted away from well-written songs applied to creative instrumentals and towards utter crap, fag whining - and Emo Phillips - would break into the mainstream. Until the year 1992, fag whining remained a local flavor of Lithuania, and was rarely recognized abroad. The surname 'Phillips' was affectionately applied by the Siaulian soldiers, who frequently stabbed Emo in the ear with a Phillips' head screwdriver when his fag whining did not meet their high standards. He would be known from that point on as 'Emo', a mispronunciation of the word Emu, which was Emo's favorite animal during his childhood, even though he didn't know what it was. He changed his name upon arriving at the base, fearing that 'James' would be hard to pronounce and unmarketable. James Zeichendoogenheimerstien moved to the bustling military base of Siaulia - a mecca for fag whiners, whom testosterone-driven, manly soldiers pay handsomely to be laughed at and subsequently beat up. His parents nodded proudly, seeing that their son had a natural talent for the craft. His parents supported him in this goal, and James fled crying from the half-room hut his family shared, screaming that they didn't understand him. He decided to pursue a career in comedic fag whining, a dangerous but prosperous (as far as Lithuanian careers go) line of work that produces 53% of Lithuania's GDP.

On his tenth birthday, young James Zeichendoogenheimerstien decided that the humble life of a goat farmer was not right for him. For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Emo Philips.

Emo philips